Past, Present and Future
The desolation of my spirit at these times, if I had acknowledged it aloud would have been unbearable. There was no great expectation for my career in a worldly sense, but I did not want to be without private hopes for myself, which is why I continue to write music for the bottom drawer.
When I imagine my future life as a wife and step-mother who must compose as catch can, I feel like Jonah, crying out of the belly of HELL, or the maid trying to cut her way out of the giant’s stomach in a fairytale. I could burn all that I have written, so that no one will ever know what was lost to the world. I could remain the enigmatic sister of a genius...
I was in a tiresome spell when I began this entry. Have consumed a quaking pudding with great gusto and feel much better. After this morning’s galanteries, I will take a coach to meet my future family. N.